Paranoia....
On the way home yesterday, my wife cracked a joke and ended with her saying that I'm gonna be 30 this year. That created a big impact on me. It was as if the number 30 hit me on the head and said.... grow up, you're no longer 20 plus
Well, I got moody after that and I admit a little teary eyed, butI just couldn't help it. Why you may ask? Hmmmm, It just seems as if those30 years just passed me by. It got me to thinking, what have I achieved, what have I not achieved and what am I gonna do about the future.
I think I am in sort of a crisis. Crisis is too strong a word, maybe confused will be better. I have so many things to do, and looking back, I could have done it years ago. And there are so many other things I want to do..... no, I NEED to do.
I'm getting older, so my parents are also gonna grow older. My In-laws are gonna get older, I seriously think that it is high time I prioritised and try to get a baby and give an additional 200% more tp try and get one. Not only do I want, (NEED!) to get a child, I want my parents and in-laws to have a grandchild. Gotta think about them getting old, gettick sick..... That worries me a whole deal. No one can stop death, if it is Allah's will, then it is time, but that hole in your life can never be filled. I want them to at least hold their grandchildren, before they do. Mental note, have got to spend more time with them. I don't want to get started on how much I miss my grandparents, it just tears me up.
Well, career wise, I won't say that I'm unhappy with my job and all, but I would really like to find something which I can do well and connect with. Another mental note, better finish writing your resumes and send them out. I don't think I can see myself doing the things I do for the next 10 to 15 years though. But at the same time, I am scared of leaving, cos then I would have a lower salary and have to start again right from the bottom.
Furthermore, I have not been very religious lately, been skipping some prayers. Oh God, give me strength to do the achievable. Something which others can do, yet I have failed You. I seek Your forgiveness and Your strength.
So many things to do, so little time, not too much cash to accomplish those goals. Hahaha, that's the story of everyone's life, but it just seems so hard.
I think I really need a break and need to sort out my life again. Well, I'll be off to Bangkok tomorrow, to do some sightseeing and shopping with the missus. Will be gone for 3 days 2 nites and hopefully will come back recharged a bit (plus a hole in the pocket) and also after that, I gotta sit down and think...... yeah, I think that's what I'll do. Wish me luck, and pray for me.
Well, I got moody after that and I admit a little teary eyed, butI just couldn't help it. Why you may ask? Hmmmm, It just seems as if those30 years just passed me by. It got me to thinking, what have I achieved, what have I not achieved and what am I gonna do about the future.
I think I am in sort of a crisis. Crisis is too strong a word, maybe confused will be better. I have so many things to do, and looking back, I could have done it years ago. And there are so many other things I want to do..... no, I NEED to do.
I'm getting older, so my parents are also gonna grow older. My In-laws are gonna get older, I seriously think that it is high time I prioritised and try to get a baby and give an additional 200% more tp try and get one. Not only do I want, (NEED!) to get a child, I want my parents and in-laws to have a grandchild. Gotta think about them getting old, gettick sick..... That worries me a whole deal. No one can stop death, if it is Allah's will, then it is time, but that hole in your life can never be filled. I want them to at least hold their grandchildren, before they do. Mental note, have got to spend more time with them. I don't want to get started on how much I miss my grandparents, it just tears me up.
Well, career wise, I won't say that I'm unhappy with my job and all, but I would really like to find something which I can do well and connect with. Another mental note, better finish writing your resumes and send them out. I don't think I can see myself doing the things I do for the next 10 to 15 years though. But at the same time, I am scared of leaving, cos then I would have a lower salary and have to start again right from the bottom.
Furthermore, I have not been very religious lately, been skipping some prayers. Oh God, give me strength to do the achievable. Something which others can do, yet I have failed You. I seek Your forgiveness and Your strength.
So many things to do, so little time, not too much cash to accomplish those goals. Hahaha, that's the story of everyone's life, but it just seems so hard.
I think I really need a break and need to sort out my life again. Well, I'll be off to Bangkok tomorrow, to do some sightseeing and shopping with the missus. Will be gone for 3 days 2 nites and hopefully will come back recharged a bit (plus a hole in the pocket) and also after that, I gotta sit down and think...... yeah, I think that's what I'll do. Wish me luck, and pray for me.
posted by ArFiSaUrUs at 12:03 PM
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